Mother's Day Complications

Mother's Day is more complicated for me than for most. I grew up with my stepmother, whom I call "Mom". I didn't even know my biological mother until I was about 8, and then only saw her like once or twice a year.

My biological mother and I are not close, although we get along well and can have a nice time together when we hang out, which is, like, never. She got married to a few different people since she and my dad got divorced and seems always to have a complex love life, although this is all from the grapevines and it's not like I would ever, EVER, ask her about it. Come to think of it, I really don't know that much about her life.

Until a few years ago, my biological mother was living in China, although she did visit me once in the States when I was in middle school. Then she immigrated to the States by marrying a man from North Carolina. The details about this were not clear, but I think they met on the Internet.

I have never met the guy, so I have no idea what he's like. I'm pretty sure my biological mother was not in love with him when she married him, and not sure whether she is in love with him now. For one thing, she NEVER talks about him to me, and I never bring the subject up either. I know she was very unhappy in the first few months after she first got married and came here, and I was very certain that she would divorce the guy the second she got her green card. But somehow, the marriage is still going after 4 years, although she visits China for at least 3 months out of every year without her husband.

I guess technically, her husband would be my stepfather, but I cringe at this thought. I have never met him and only spoke to him on the phone a few times when I call my biological mother, which is not that often.

Anyway, back to Mother's Day. My stepmom is sensitive on the subject of who's my real "Mom", and although she knows that my birth mother and I are not close, she still grumbles about it and gets a little jealous, sort of like how I would grumble or get irrationally jealous about an ex-girlfriend of my boyfriend or something like that.

Usually, I never give my stepmom gifts for Mother's Day. Asian families are not big on this stuff. But this year, I'm wondering whether I should make an exception. The reason is that my biological mother mentioned a few months ago that she wanted to have a T-Shirt that says "Yale Mom", and she wanted me to buy it for her and give it to her, so she can wear it around her town in North Carolina and show off. (She's told all her friends there, and all her friends in China, too, how her daughter is this Ivy League big shot. Apparently, she also shows my pictures around and waits for people to compliment her on how pretty her daughter is. I know, this is a little fucked up and typical for my biological mother).

Since then, she's mentioned the T-Shirt a few times. I was insanely busy in April, so of course I didn't have time to do this. I was also a little offended by the fact that she would ASK FOR A GIFT. Of course, I didn't say this to her. (You may have noticed from my posts that I sometimes have trouble communicating my feelings clearly to people.)

Of course, my stepmother is not happy when she heard about all this. So last night we had a discussion about it, and she was grumbling a little bit. Not a whole lot, but enough to make me feel a little guilty and wonder whether I should get her something nice for Mother's Day.

Anyway, what do YOU think?