So I have been doing a lot of thinking over Thanksgiving break (and therefore did not have as much time to complete my actual work, but that's another story. :) ). One thing I have been feeling frustrated about is the fact that I simply know too little about the tools that would enable me to understand law well -- namely, the social sciences.
All of the social sciences, psychology, sociology, economics, antropology, political science... etc., each has so much to say about how people in fact behave, and offer their answers and perspectives on how people, both as individuals and as collectives, act. These answers are paramountly important in a legal context, because after all, law is intended to regulate and change human behavior. I can't believe that so many legal academics talk about what law ought to be, or how legislation and statutes affect behavior, without explicitly specifying what views and assumptions of human nature and human behavior they are talking about.
Moreover, through talking to a new friend, I also realized that I have no idea how to do empirical research, should I ever want to. So many questions in law have actual empirical answers. The whole debate about whether juries should make decisions rather than judges, for example, have actual answers in reality, if we agree that accuracy and efficiency are values that we should maximize (though this is debatable, I agree. Earlier I wrote a short reaction paper arguing that those should not be the only values. :) ). Or whether certain voting law, or statutes limiting freedom of speech, or affirmative action legislaion, or court decisions ordering integration of schools -- do these laws work and do they achieve their intended effects? Often legal academics have no idea, and they just sit there and speculate and argue about theory and doctrines, which I find frustrating.
The point is there are testable hypothesis in law, but apparently very few people are actually doing the research to find out whether these hypotheses are true. I heard that empirical research is time-consuming and boring, and I'd much rather be in la-la theory land. (This is part of my attraction to law and narratives -- so easy and requires no empirical analysis whatsoever!)
On the other hand, if I ever want to know how to use the tools of empirical research, and perhaps I do, now is the time to learn how to do it.
So, over break, I realized that what I should try to do next semester is to cross-register for courses in the School of Arts and Sciences. Perhaps I can audit a few, or take statistics or psychology or some other courses for credit.
My undergraduate years, alas, were spent taking graduate level seminars on super in-depth topics like Hegel's Aesthetics or the Political Economy of the French Revolution. They were really fun, but I got very little overview of entire fields. Now I really wish I had that so that I can connect all these ideas and theories together in a coherent way, and understand how they speak to each other and argue with each other. It's sad to realize, 5 years after one graduates college, that one should have taken more large, freshman-filled intro courses.
Nonetheles, I think this is what I will do next semester. I need to find out how to actually do this and how I can get credit for doing it, but I definitely need to receive some formal training in the social sciences and methods of quantitative analysis.
In other news, my parents are proposing to pay for my plane ticket to go to Switzerland, to visit my aunt who lives on the Swiss-German border, and for me to ski in Zurich if I want. This is tempting. Should I do it?
11/28/2006
Poem
This is the first poem I have written in a long time (in high school I used to write quite a lot, as some of you may know. :) ).
This is the first draft. The language is very rough, obviously, but some imageries are interesting.
Poem
When I love you, I am a river
Rushing towards you
And you are mountains in the distance, your rocks and boulders
channeling me into narrower and narrower straits.
Or I am a fire, my tongues flickering, burning
For you, and you are the fireplace, containing me,
turning me into a pile of ash.
I am a shadow, standing at your door, the light
From your window shattering me, tearing me to pieces.
Or I am, I am a country, and you are another, between us
An endless border. Though all my people long to belong to you
You separate us with walls, with guns, with armies and sentries.
Or you are a song, sung in a luminous
voice in a foreign language, with words rich and opaque
And I am American; you are incomprehensible.
Or I am an army, and you are an impregnable city.
Though I surround you with troops, and you are starving.
You’d rather be burned
than capitulate, and shoot at me with poisonous darts.
Or I am sand, and you are water. No matter how small I try
To make myself, to dissolve into you
We are separate and distinct.
When they run us through a filter, you are pure again
And I am left behind.
There is no solution.
Always, dear, always, when I love you,
I am on the outside.
You are on the inside.
This is the first draft. The language is very rough, obviously, but some imageries are interesting.
Poem
When I love you, I am a river
Rushing towards you
And you are mountains in the distance, your rocks and boulders
channeling me into narrower and narrower straits.
Or I am a fire, my tongues flickering, burning
For you, and you are the fireplace, containing me,
turning me into a pile of ash.
I am a shadow, standing at your door, the light
From your window shattering me, tearing me to pieces.
Or I am, I am a country, and you are another, between us
An endless border. Though all my people long to belong to you
You separate us with walls, with guns, with armies and sentries.
Or you are a song, sung in a luminous
voice in a foreign language, with words rich and opaque
And I am American; you are incomprehensible.
Or I am an army, and you are an impregnable city.
Though I surround you with troops, and you are starving.
You’d rather be burned
than capitulate, and shoot at me with poisonous darts.
Or I am sand, and you are water. No matter how small I try
To make myself, to dissolve into you
We are separate and distinct.
When they run us through a filter, you are pure again
And I am left behind.
There is no solution.
Always, dear, always, when I love you,
I am on the outside.
You are on the inside.
11/23/2006
Thanks
I hope you will allow me to wish you all a happy Thanksgiving. I know that I haven't written for a while, and this is entirely due to my own laziness. But in spite of being busy, I realized today that my life is at a very good, happy place right now. I made the right decisions in the past few months, and feel more clarity about the decisions I'm about to make. I am calm and hopeful and healthy. My parents are both healthy and active, and I look forward to spending time with them. I have many good friends and satisfying social relationships. I really like law school and enjoy my work here. Even the stress is a good kind of stress -- focused, goal-oriented, directed.
I'm sure I will be quite frazzled come finals week, but this is a good kind of frazzledness.
In the meanwhile, I'm at my apartment in C-Town, eating my favorite dish (sauteed chicken liver with bell peppers), listening to my favorite Beethoven Piano Concert (the 5th), chatting with friend (SF), reading con law (on affirmative action), and looking forward to perhaps seeing a dear friend this evening.
I hope all of your Thanksgivings are as fun and nice as mine is at this moment.
I'm sure I will be quite frazzled come finals week, but this is a good kind of frazzledness.
In the meanwhile, I'm at my apartment in C-Town, eating my favorite dish (sauteed chicken liver with bell peppers), listening to my favorite Beethoven Piano Concert (the 5th), chatting with friend (SF), reading con law (on affirmative action), and looking forward to perhaps seeing a dear friend this evening.
I hope all of your Thanksgivings are as fun and nice as mine is at this moment.
11/12/2006
Exhausted
I'm still up, at 3:25 am, writing a memo for Professor JH for his next article. Life is not good.
Went to a good concert with ABS in B-Town tonight, which is part of the reason why this memo is still not finished (that, and the fact that I procrastinated a lot today). I am on my 4th cup of white tea, and am very, very, very much looking forward to sleep.
Went to a good concert with ABS in B-Town tonight, which is part of the reason why this memo is still not finished (that, and the fact that I procrastinated a lot today). I am on my 4th cup of white tea, and am very, very, very much looking forward to sleep.
11/10/2006
Are You Listening, God?
This is totally 2:00 am random talk, so don't mind me, but, as I think about it, one of the qualities that I really require in a partner is his ability to be not just a life companion but an intellectual companion. That intellectual companionship is best evidenced when he can collaborate on writing something with me like a scholarly article.
In fact, when I think about it, I really feel like "writing an article together" is one of the most romantic thing people could do together, of course, assuming that they still like and respect each other after the whole enterprise...
And I guess I just find it incredibly sexy when a man writes to me at all. Not necessariliy love letters, but just well-written pieces of anything. For some reason, all my past boyfriends, while very sweet, have not been prone to putting their thoughts on paper...
In fact, when I think about it, I really feel like "writing an article together" is one of the most romantic thing people could do together, of course, assuming that they still like and respect each other after the whole enterprise...
And I guess I just find it incredibly sexy when a man writes to me at all. Not necessariliy love letters, but just well-written pieces of anything. For some reason, all my past boyfriends, while very sweet, have not been prone to putting their thoughts on paper...
The State of Confusion
So, I'm still in the state of confusion. In addition to possibly not working for a firm this summer (a thought that still takes my breath away every time), I am also rethinking my winter semester plans. My original plan was to go to China to do research for Professor F's class. This week, after looking through the course offerings for the winter semester, I'm increasingly wondering that is the right thing to do. So many good classes to take, and will I really do much "research" in China?!?
So today, I went to the registrar's office, asked about the deadline for making my decision, and bid for a few winter courses that looked interesting to me, among them Constitutional Law Theory, Sexual Orientation and the Law, and Law and Psychiatry.
Speaking of course lotteries, I finally bid for 15 classes today, before the deadline. Everything after #9 was pretty random and was chosen in the spirit of "just in case" rather than "omg!" I don't want to bore you all, so let's just say that my top five choices are:
- Regulation as Justice seminar (with Prof R)
- Constitutional Theory lecture for winter (with Professor K and Professor S - the course description said that these two will engage in a "debate" every class, with questions and input from students... sounds cool doesn't it?)
- Legal Theory course with Professors JH and DK
- Local Goernmetn Law
- Theories of Law seminar with Professor RU
Note that the course selection is heavy on theory, with the possible exception of my first choice, which may be part theory part doctrine.
Still thinking about firms... I knew the decision would be agonizing, but I never thought my thoughts are now centering around "to be or not to be?" rather than "S or C?"
BTW, Firm W, which I interviewed with in DC, never called me. I'm a little bummed about that since I really liked them, and since this is the first time a firm called me back but didn't give me an offer (how dare they? hehe...). I guess I'll live, but I am truly sorry that I didn't look into more DC firms earlier...
Told my parents about what I am thinking in terms of the summer and the firm. They are ... surprised, okay more like shocked, but I guess they trust my judgment and would support me in whatever decision I make. God I hope I know what I'm doing...
Went to a panel this evening, with Professor JH giving a really great speech about social psychology and human nature that made me (and ABS) filled with affection for him. (And I'm happy to say, I played a small part in helping him come up with a topic for the speech). At that moment I realized how happy it is that I'm researching for him. No matter how marginalized JH may be, I believe in his project and I really like him as a person.
So today, I went to the registrar's office, asked about the deadline for making my decision, and bid for a few winter courses that looked interesting to me, among them Constitutional Law Theory, Sexual Orientation and the Law, and Law and Psychiatry.
Speaking of course lotteries, I finally bid for 15 classes today, before the deadline. Everything after #9 was pretty random and was chosen in the spirit of "just in case" rather than "omg!" I don't want to bore you all, so let's just say that my top five choices are:
- Regulation as Justice seminar (with Prof R)
- Constitutional Theory lecture for winter (with Professor K and Professor S - the course description said that these two will engage in a "debate" every class, with questions and input from students... sounds cool doesn't it?)
- Legal Theory course with Professors JH and DK
- Local Goernmetn Law
- Theories of Law seminar with Professor RU
Note that the course selection is heavy on theory, with the possible exception of my first choice, which may be part theory part doctrine.
Still thinking about firms... I knew the decision would be agonizing, but I never thought my thoughts are now centering around "to be or not to be?" rather than "S or C?"
BTW, Firm W, which I interviewed with in DC, never called me. I'm a little bummed about that since I really liked them, and since this is the first time a firm called me back but didn't give me an offer (how dare they? hehe...). I guess I'll live, but I am truly sorry that I didn't look into more DC firms earlier...
Told my parents about what I am thinking in terms of the summer and the firm. They are ... surprised, okay more like shocked, but I guess they trust my judgment and would support me in whatever decision I make. God I hope I know what I'm doing...
Went to a panel this evening, with Professor JH giving a really great speech about social psychology and human nature that made me (and ABS) filled with affection for him. (And I'm happy to say, I played a small part in helping him come up with a topic for the speech). At that moment I realized how happy it is that I'm researching for him. No matter how marginalized JH may be, I believe in his project and I really like him as a person.
11/09/2006
And miles to go before I sleep
I'm a little sad tonight, for a lot of different reasons. I'm thinking a lot about my life, my career, my relationships, this summer and beyond, and where all this is going. I am feeling a great deal of uncertainty, and I'm wondering whether I'm doing the right things and taking the right level of risks and doing what's best for my life.
For instance, should I, perhaps, not even work for any firm at all and just do writing all summer long? Would that provide me with the right amount of financial reward, social relationships, and an expansion of my horizons?
I went to another one of those interminable firm dinners tonight. While the food was very nice, the idea of having to do this all summer long, no matter how fancy the restaurant is, does not appeal to me at all. I may have just been tired, but I also had the misfortune of being seated right next to the hiring partner, who never stopped for one moment selling the firm. He was a very nice man, and clearly smart and successful, but the entire dinner was so boring as a result.
I am also confused and uncertain because of events of a more personal nature, and hope that I did the right thing. I have been thinking a lot about what the "right" thing is for me lately, and what the criteria are and how can one ever tell. I don't think I have had this much angst and self-reflection since I was last a teenager, a not insignificant number of years ago. :)
For instance, should I, perhaps, not even work for any firm at all and just do writing all summer long? Would that provide me with the right amount of financial reward, social relationships, and an expansion of my horizons?
I went to another one of those interminable firm dinners tonight. While the food was very nice, the idea of having to do this all summer long, no matter how fancy the restaurant is, does not appeal to me at all. I may have just been tired, but I also had the misfortune of being seated right next to the hiring partner, who never stopped for one moment selling the firm. He was a very nice man, and clearly smart and successful, but the entire dinner was so boring as a result.
I am also confused and uncertain because of events of a more personal nature, and hope that I did the right thing. I have been thinking a lot about what the "right" thing is for me lately, and what the criteria are and how can one ever tell. I don't think I have had this much angst and self-reflection since I was last a teenager, a not insignificant number of years ago. :)
11/07/2006
Crossing My Fingers...
Please please please remember to vote today, especially if you are a democrat!!!
Some Deep Thoughts about My Career
Due to a failure to screen my calls properly, this evening a partner caught me off-guard, and I was forced to chat on the phone with him for more than 30 minutes, and thereby delaying my sleep time tonight by 30 minutes.
It's a firm that I have kind of crossed off my list too. Sigh...
I am beginning to feel very down about the whole job thing. I am all but fairly certain that I would hate working for a firm. Nothing against the people working or planning to work in firms - if they love it, all the more powers to them -- but I am already beginning to sense how soul-crushing those years of "paying your dues" would feel to me, especially coming right out of law school.
But then, to stay in academia is potentially soul-crushing and ego-crushing in another way. Unless you are really sure you have original scholarship to contribute, why would anyone hire you? I have seen first-hand how the system has chewed people up and spit them out (in 3rd tier law schools mostly, or one endless ghetto fellowships after another... is that really a risk worth taking?)
Or I suppose I could go work for a non-profit, but let's face it, I'm the Petite Bourgeoisie here, with an emphasis on the "Bourgeoisie". I need my endless supply of Starbucks lattes and J Crew wool coats. Would I really be happy barely making ends meet knowing I could be making 5X the amount of money? Sometimes I think I could be... but I'm just not sure...
... Government work? Would I be happy working in that huge bureaucracy..? Prosecuting illegal immigrants and felon in possession of firearms...?
People always say "do what you love to do NOW." But don't they know that preferences and desires are amorphous too? It takes me so much energy just to order from a menu for lunch - I'm the most indecisive person in the world. So how the hell am I supposed to figure out what is it that I "love" to do?
Love... is such a relative thing...
My life hitherto has always moved in stages - a few years here, a few years there, never too long in one place, and I have liked it this way. When I think about it, I sort of can't imagine doing law For The Rest Of My Life. The very thought is scary to me. It makes me claustrophobic.
And yet my life seems to be rapidly shaping up for the firms. And I'm becoming very, very afraid.
It's a firm that I have kind of crossed off my list too. Sigh...
I am beginning to feel very down about the whole job thing. I am all but fairly certain that I would hate working for a firm. Nothing against the people working or planning to work in firms - if they love it, all the more powers to them -- but I am already beginning to sense how soul-crushing those years of "paying your dues" would feel to me, especially coming right out of law school.
But then, to stay in academia is potentially soul-crushing and ego-crushing in another way. Unless you are really sure you have original scholarship to contribute, why would anyone hire you? I have seen first-hand how the system has chewed people up and spit them out (in 3rd tier law schools mostly, or one endless ghetto fellowships after another... is that really a risk worth taking?)
Or I suppose I could go work for a non-profit, but let's face it, I'm the Petite Bourgeoisie here, with an emphasis on the "Bourgeoisie". I need my endless supply of Starbucks lattes and J Crew wool coats. Would I really be happy barely making ends meet knowing I could be making 5X the amount of money? Sometimes I think I could be... but I'm just not sure...
... Government work? Would I be happy working in that huge bureaucracy..? Prosecuting illegal immigrants and felon in possession of firearms...?
People always say "do what you love to do NOW." But don't they know that preferences and desires are amorphous too? It takes me so much energy just to order from a menu for lunch - I'm the most indecisive person in the world. So how the hell am I supposed to figure out what is it that I "love" to do?
Love... is such a relative thing...
My life hitherto has always moved in stages - a few years here, a few years there, never too long in one place, and I have liked it this way. When I think about it, I sort of can't imagine doing law For The Rest Of My Life. The very thought is scary to me. It makes me claustrophobic.
And yet my life seems to be rapidly shaping up for the firms. And I'm becoming very, very afraid.
11/06/2006
Course Lottery, Again...
In case you were wondering, Professor F left early today to go to Berlin, my favorite city in the world! So no OH today. I guess I'll save my brilliant questions for him for next week.
It's that time of the year again -- lottery for courses! It seems like I'm always lotterying for courses, doesn't it? Well, after looking over the schedule today (with ABS, of course, who is obsessed with this stuff), here are my picks:
1. Regulation as Justice seminar, (basically administrative law), with really distinguished and connected Professor R.
2. Legal Theory seminar, with the prof I'm RAing for, Professor JH, and supposedly brilliant though incomprehensible Critical Legal Theory guru Professor DK.
3. seminar on "Law and Human Behavior" taught by famous professor CS from rival law school. I think it's a course about behavioral economics? Though I'm not entirely sure. I just picked the course based on the prof and not on the subject matter (as you probably can tell already).
4. Seminar on Con law and Immigration Law with new hire from rival school Professor GN, who was, of all things, a math genius (or something) before he decided to switch careers and become a law professor (and he's not even doing IP or anything, just straight con law and immigration law!)
5. Some weird class on "taboo subjects" with super-famous and flamboyant crim law professor AD. I personally don't like his reputation much, but thought wth? I'm sure I won't get it though.
6. Local Government Law, the only lecture I'm bidding for, with relatively young prof DB. He's supposed to be really nice and helpful, though I have also heard some bad stuff about him, i.e. he tries a bit too hard, and can get peevish, etc. I'm not crazy about taking a lecture course, but let's see.
Anyway, sorry for boring all of you, but those are all the courses I'm bidding for at the moment. Hopefully I'll get into at least a few of them...
It's that time of the year again -- lottery for courses! It seems like I'm always lotterying for courses, doesn't it? Well, after looking over the schedule today (with ABS, of course, who is obsessed with this stuff), here are my picks:
1. Regulation as Justice seminar, (basically administrative law), with really distinguished and connected Professor R.
2. Legal Theory seminar, with the prof I'm RAing for, Professor JH, and supposedly brilliant though incomprehensible Critical Legal Theory guru Professor DK.
3. seminar on "Law and Human Behavior" taught by famous professor CS from rival law school. I think it's a course about behavioral economics? Though I'm not entirely sure. I just picked the course based on the prof and not on the subject matter (as you probably can tell already).
4. Seminar on Con law and Immigration Law with new hire from rival school Professor GN, who was, of all things, a math genius (or something) before he decided to switch careers and become a law professor (and he's not even doing IP or anything, just straight con law and immigration law!)
5. Some weird class on "taboo subjects" with super-famous and flamboyant crim law professor AD. I personally don't like his reputation much, but thought wth? I'm sure I won't get it though.
6. Local Government Law, the only lecture I'm bidding for, with relatively young prof DB. He's supposed to be really nice and helpful, though I have also heard some bad stuff about him, i.e. he tries a bit too hard, and can get peevish, etc. I'm not crazy about taking a lecture course, but let's see.
Anyway, sorry for boring all of you, but those are all the courses I'm bidding for at the moment. Hopefully I'll get into at least a few of them...
Redemption
I'm sitting in the lounge at school, preparing for another meeting with Professor F... one in which I will hopefully redeem myself from the sad meeting I had with him last week. Wish me luck...
11/05/2006
Another New Week
It's been a weekend filled with drama, and as a result, I didn't get much work done. Yesterday was spent pleasantly with Dickie wandering around in DC, then taking the shuttle back to B-Town. At night I began to feel the onset of illness, and slept ~11 hours in total. Today, after some major drama in the morning (let's just say that someone is not too happy with me right now - and no, it's not my ex(?)-Boyfriend.) went to dim sum with AC, J, and her husband. Conversations were in general pleasant, though I was understandably distracted.
Came back and prepared furiously for the mass subcite tonight with my cute and cuddly subciters. Preparing for stuff was hell, but when they actually started working it was amazingly efficient, and ended even before the alloted deadlines.
Then came home, thought about callling parents but the phone card somehow didn't work. Read more of the stpuid comparative con law reading -- so dry, so boring, so dense... argh why would Professor MT do this to us?? Anyway, read a bunch of those dense pages and decided that this was not worth it, and that I should just have some dessert instead and go to bed. Sadly, before I formulated the plan I tolk some Ambien. So of course now I'm sitting in bed with jars, pots, and bins and boxes of sweets surrounding me. And being not good at self-control , I ate 5-6 butter cookies, then perhaps another 3 macaroons, and quie a few of those rice crispy salty treats, and finally the "white bunny" candy I got from Chinatown today.
After this, I'll go to sleep. Already losing consciousness fast...
Came back and prepared furiously for the mass subcite tonight with my cute and cuddly subciters. Preparing for stuff was hell, but when they actually started working it was amazingly efficient, and ended even before the alloted deadlines.
Then came home, thought about callling parents but the phone card somehow didn't work. Read more of the stpuid comparative con law reading -- so dry, so boring, so dense... argh why would Professor MT do this to us?? Anyway, read a bunch of those dense pages and decided that this was not worth it, and that I should just have some dessert instead and go to bed. Sadly, before I formulated the plan I tolk some Ambien. So of course now I'm sitting in bed with jars, pots, and bins and boxes of sweets surrounding me. And being not good at self-control , I ate 5-6 butter cookies, then perhaps another 3 macaroons, and quie a few of those rice crispy salty treats, and finally the "white bunny" candy I got from Chinatown today.
After this, I'll go to sleep. Already losing consciousness fast...
11/03/2006
In the Nation's Capital
I came to DC today to interview at Firm W, my last interview this year, which AG helped me set up. The firm is in a very nice part of DC near Dupont Circle, with two Starbucks within 1 block, which counts as a great neighborhood in my dictionary. :)
The interviews went well. Since my screening interview was a phone interview rather than an in-person one, I finally met the partner who interviewed me for the first time -- he is 6'7", well-built, peppered hair, very good-looking with a crooked smile and a deep voice (well I already knew about the deep voice.) Anyway, the associates who took me out for coffee (well, tea actually) all seemed star-struck with him, and he was in turn flirtatious with them. Interesting...
I am hanging out with Dickie in the Ritz Carlton. We went out for sushi and Chinese food tonight (for some reason whenever we get together we always have two dinners - we are such gluttons), and Dickie absolutely stuffed himself while I ate more moderately. We then walked around and finally returned to the hotel, where we are going to have a fun girl's night in - snacking, watching TV, and doing beauty regimes.
The weather got so cold today. Thank god I got my J Crew coat yesterday!
The interviews went well. Since my screening interview was a phone interview rather than an in-person one, I finally met the partner who interviewed me for the first time -- he is 6'7", well-built, peppered hair, very good-looking with a crooked smile and a deep voice (well I already knew about the deep voice.) Anyway, the associates who took me out for coffee (well, tea actually) all seemed star-struck with him, and he was in turn flirtatious with them. Interesting...
I am hanging out with Dickie in the Ritz Carlton. We went out for sushi and Chinese food tonight (for some reason whenever we get together we always have two dinners - we are such gluttons), and Dickie absolutely stuffed himself while I ate more moderately. We then walked around and finally returned to the hotel, where we are going to have a fun girl's night in - snacking, watching TV, and doing beauty regimes.
The weather got so cold today. Thank god I got my J Crew coat yesterday!
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