Well, in case you are wondering, I feel better. Being able to have social interaction helped. Having a ton of work that took my mind off my sorrows helped. Having the most useless office hours ever with Professor F also helped (Never go to a Prof's office hours when you don't know what to say... this is a lesson forever learned - I must have sounded so ditzy and stupid). And finally, tonight I got a nice email from (Ex?-)Boyfriend, which put my mind at ease and made me very relieved. I guess a lot of the anguish came from worrying about him, and now I know that he's okay. So all good, at least relatively speaking.
In other news, however, I am somehow once again more than 100 pages behind in the reading for comparative con law. This is definitive proof, I think, that Professor T is crazy. Nuts. I guess I won't be prepared for class tomorrow, since I also have two reaction papers for the two workshops due in the next two days, and there is just no way.
Tomorrow is Halloween (well, really today, but today is still yesterday since I haven't gone to sleep yet.) I don't have anything that I want to be (or can be without a lot of time investment which I don't have). But might still go to the Halloween party with AC and J.
10/31/2006
10/30/2006
Tell Me, Why-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y?
Annie Lennox's "Why" is the perfect breakup song, no matter which side of the breakup you're on.
I have listened to it for thousands of times today. The neighbors must be getting annoyed.
I have listened to it for thousands of times today. The neighbors must be getting annoyed.
10/29/2006
Europe After the Rain
It's another day. Windy, cold, though not rainy anymore.
I am slightly more active today. Was able to sleep more, eat more, and read more of the unbearably boring comparative con law reading. Read a very interesting, though very awkwardly written, paper for my health law policy seminar. Went to Starbucks in the afternoon for a bit. It was very crowded.
Talked to Dickie and G in China and my parents and SF...
Then, just as I always do when I'm depressed, I went and bought myself the very pretty, but very expensive, green silk scarf from a Japanese store near my house that I have always wanted. It was $50, but it made me happy. Hooray for retail therapy...
ABS came back to C-Town tonight and we had dinner. I told him the news and he was not shocked. He's known about my concerns with Boyfriend for a while, and we have just talked about them the week before we left for interviews and callback visits. He is also the only person among my friends who have reservations about whether it was the right decision, since he likes my Boyfriend and also has a bit of prejudice about the niceness (or the lack thereof) of straight males.
Came back and read more comparative con law, and literally was bored out of my mind. A lot of it, I think, is the European academic's style of writing. Unlike American academics, who tend to make their writing more lively or animated, Europeans tend to stick to a very dry, detached, and passive style. Not engaging at all, and usually rather theoretical and abstract. The few American authors that our professor included in the casebooks are much easier reading, but the European authors (and that's most of the casebook) are driving me up the wall...
Am still sad, but getting better. I go back and forth though, so perhaps it's too early to tell...
I am slightly more active today. Was able to sleep more, eat more, and read more of the unbearably boring comparative con law reading. Read a very interesting, though very awkwardly written, paper for my health law policy seminar. Went to Starbucks in the afternoon for a bit. It was very crowded.
Talked to Dickie and G in China and my parents and SF...
Then, just as I always do when I'm depressed, I went and bought myself the very pretty, but very expensive, green silk scarf from a Japanese store near my house that I have always wanted. It was $50, but it made me happy. Hooray for retail therapy...
ABS came back to C-Town tonight and we had dinner. I told him the news and he was not shocked. He's known about my concerns with Boyfriend for a while, and we have just talked about them the week before we left for interviews and callback visits. He is also the only person among my friends who have reservations about whether it was the right decision, since he likes my Boyfriend and also has a bit of prejudice about the niceness (or the lack thereof) of straight males.
Came back and read more comparative con law, and literally was bored out of my mind. A lot of it, I think, is the European academic's style of writing. Unlike American academics, who tend to make their writing more lively or animated, Europeans tend to stick to a very dry, detached, and passive style. Not engaging at all, and usually rather theoretical and abstract. The few American authors that our professor included in the casebooks are much easier reading, but the European authors (and that's most of the casebook) are driving me up the wall...
Am still sad, but getting better. I go back and forth though, so perhaps it's too early to tell...
10/28/2006
Tragedy
Well, as of last night, the relationship between Boyfriend and me appears to be over. Even though I was the one who instigated this, it was not any less painful. We talked for many hours, then Boyfriend packed up and drove back to N-Town in the middle of the night. I suspect that seeing him gathering his stuff around my apartment will be the most terrible and haunting memory I will have for quite a while.
I spent today disoriented, alternately grieving and numb, and exhausted. (And appropriately, today it was rainy and gloomy all day, and I hardly went outside.)
It's going to take me a long time to get over this.
I spent today disoriented, alternately grieving and numb, and exhausted. (And appropriately, today it was rainy and gloomy all day, and I hardly went outside.)
It's going to take me a long time to get over this.
10/26/2006
An Even More Unproductive Day
I read some con law, and that's about it. Did nearly nothing else, but the day was so pleasant because of it.
:D Coffee/dinner/long conversation with AG.
:( cold weather.
:D Coffee/dinner/long conversation with AG.
:( cold weather.
10/24/2006
Unproductive Day
So, I had an unproductive day today, even though I got a (relatively) early start. I woke up around 9:45, and then just stayed in bed for 3.5 hours surfing the net and chatting with people. Finally, around 1:30, I got dressed, showered, and sauntered out the door to run various errands and to eat on campus. I read a bit of comparative con law at the cafeteria, but got seriously discouraged when I realized that to fulfill my goal I would have to read 350 pages - I'm not kidding. I told you that my professor is insane.
I read about 60 pages of that today, and while the reading is pretty interesting, it is also theoretical, abstract, and obstruse at times, so I think 60 pages in one day is quite enough. Soon it will be time to skim, but not yet.
ABS called me in the evening, and we chatted a little bit. Both of the partners from firm S called or emailed me with friendly messages today, which was nice. I have no idea how I'm going to make my decision at this point, but I think I will wait until the offer dinners to see who else from my law school got offers, ... and whether I like them. Right now, it's betwen firm S and firm C, and I like firm S slightly better.
Tomorrow's goal: read con law; read health law policy; read political economy. (Hopefully those combined will not be 350 pages!); start on my reaction paper. I also have the rather enjoyable task of going to professor H's office hours (to chat), and having dinner with long lost friends JM, RH, and possibly some others. Really looking forward to that as well.
:D rested; did some work.
:( have more work than I realized. Perhaps my plan for my mini-vacation is overly ambitious...
I read about 60 pages of that today, and while the reading is pretty interesting, it is also theoretical, abstract, and obstruse at times, so I think 60 pages in one day is quite enough. Soon it will be time to skim, but not yet.
ABS called me in the evening, and we chatted a little bit. Both of the partners from firm S called or emailed me with friendly messages today, which was nice. I have no idea how I'm going to make my decision at this point, but I think I will wait until the offer dinners to see who else from my law school got offers, ... and whether I like them. Right now, it's betwen firm S and firm C, and I like firm S slightly better.
Tomorrow's goal: read con law; read health law policy; read political economy. (Hopefully those combined will not be 350 pages!); start on my reaction paper. I also have the rather enjoyable task of going to professor H's office hours (to chat), and having dinner with long lost friends JM, RH, and possibly some others. Really looking forward to that as well.
:D rested; did some work.
:( have more work than I realized. Perhaps my plan for my mini-vacation is overly ambitious...
10/23/2006
Offer #3
Really liked Firm S. So now have yet another option to contend with.
Back in C-town now. Vegging and reading a little bit. Tomorrow I have to start my odyssey of finishing comparative con law reading. It's not going to be fun...
Back in C-town now. Vegging and reading a little bit. Tomorrow I have to start my odyssey of finishing comparative con law reading. It's not going to be fun...
10/22/2006
Another Day in NYC
So... I'm sitting here, alone in the hotel. It's not as bad as it sounds. I flew in this afternoon, took a cab to the hotel, and immediately met up with my friend GQ and his girlfriend E and had dinner at a super-posh beautiful Japanese restaurant in SoHo. GQ is working for firm F right now in New York as a third year, and in spite of all the busyness of BIgLaw firm life (which he freely admits) he really likes his work, though E complains that his schedule is a little too crazy and unpredictable.
After meeting with GQ and E, they gave me a ride to the restaurant where I'm meeting my good friend from college, SF and HIS on-again, off-again girlfriend L, whom I like a whole lot mainly because she reminds me somewhat of myself, and because she's beautiful and smart and thoughtful, which is also why it has always been a little sad to see her and SF struggle through their relationship. We had a lovely dinner (well, I didn't have dinner, but only a glass of wine). The conversation flowed freely. Both SF and L are applying to English grad schools, so I heard about that, and told them about law school and my interests and my fear about law firms and my (very nascent) aspirations for academia.
Then caught a cab and got back to the hotel. Getting up bright and early tomorrow for my interview - not that stressed, but still want to make a good impressions.
:D Having a string of emails in my inbox that I very much enjoy reading.
:( nothing, really. I've even caught up on my sleep!
After meeting with GQ and E, they gave me a ride to the restaurant where I'm meeting my good friend from college, SF and HIS on-again, off-again girlfriend L, whom I like a whole lot mainly because she reminds me somewhat of myself, and because she's beautiful and smart and thoughtful, which is also why it has always been a little sad to see her and SF struggle through their relationship. We had a lovely dinner (well, I didn't have dinner, but only a glass of wine). The conversation flowed freely. Both SF and L are applying to English grad schools, so I heard about that, and told them about law school and my interests and my fear about law firms and my (very nascent) aspirations for academia.
Then caught a cab and got back to the hotel. Getting up bright and early tomorrow for my interview - not that stressed, but still want to make a good impressions.
:D Having a string of emails in my inbox that I very much enjoy reading.
:( nothing, really. I've even caught up on my sleep!
10/21/2006
Another Offer, and Some Hard Choices
I spent yesterday in NYC, interviewing at firm C, which was originally my second choice, and which now, through the permutations of OCI, has become my first choice. :)
I really liked the firm. It is in a less flashy, touristy part of town, smaller, and has a very elegant office. There is gorgeous artwork displayed on the wall, beautiful dark wood paneling everywhere, and very expensive-looking rugs everywhere. The chairs, couches, and tables all look like antiques - they have silk, embroidered covers and heavy wood frames. Closets are hidden by wood paneling; walls have wood accents; overhead lighting in the hall are recessed and muted. Everything screamed "Old, affluent New York." This is in sharp contrast to the corporate sterility of the firm S, where I was at last week.
Firm C had an all day interview process that at first sounded very intimidating, but which turned out to be a very good thing, since you are able to talk to the partners at your leisure and are not constrained by time. This means that as long as the conversation is going well, you can ask every questions that occurs to you to your heart's content. One of the partners and I ended up talking for nearly two hours, completely losing track of time and pushing my lunch back almost an hour. The two poor associates who were supposed to take me out to lunch had to wait until 1:30 and must have been starved.
The partners at C all seemed intellectual, energetic, impressive, and humane. That last part I was not expecting, but was pleased to find. Every partner also explained the firm's unique philosophy to me, which, I increasingly realized as the day went on, is really a unique system which sets their firm apart from others. The rules and institution of the firm are designed to eliminate destructive individual competition among partners and among associates, and make people more loyal to the firm as an institution. As far as I can tell, this system has worked. Even people I have met who no longer work at the firm (what the firm calls "alumni") have very positive things to say about firm C. People seem to really believe in their system and feel a great deal of loyalty and pride.
Firm C gave me an offer at the end of my interviews. I was of course very happy. On the way to the airport, I realized that there is a very good chance I will go there, and that the interviews next week are likely to be a waste of time. So, today, I sat down and cancelled most of my interviews next week except for one. I was planning to spend nearly the entire week in NY, but now I will actually be in C-Town for most of the week.
The only thing that is not ideal about firm C is its domesticness. In spite of being one of the elite firms, it has no (NO!) Asia office and does not have plans to have one. Since I may be interested in practicing law overseas, I am a bit worried that C's domesticness could very quickly become something I find frustrating. In this sense, firm S's sprawling offices and aggressive expansion may fit better with my goals (not to mention that I am rather enamored by the idea of spending a summer in Hong Kong!) Boyfriend and I spent some time last night discussing this, and he wrote me a long email dissecting the situation this morning. He thinks that firm C's failure to expand into the Asian market means that in spite of its eliteness, it will become increasingly marginalized in the next few decades. I'm really not sure what to think.
So, some hard choices ahead, but at least I have got some good options and a MUCH easier flyout week than I had previously expected. Next week, I expect to do a lot of catching up on work, and even more catching up on sleep! :D
I really liked the firm. It is in a less flashy, touristy part of town, smaller, and has a very elegant office. There is gorgeous artwork displayed on the wall, beautiful dark wood paneling everywhere, and very expensive-looking rugs everywhere. The chairs, couches, and tables all look like antiques - they have silk, embroidered covers and heavy wood frames. Closets are hidden by wood paneling; walls have wood accents; overhead lighting in the hall are recessed and muted. Everything screamed "Old, affluent New York." This is in sharp contrast to the corporate sterility of the firm S, where I was at last week.
Firm C had an all day interview process that at first sounded very intimidating, but which turned out to be a very good thing, since you are able to talk to the partners at your leisure and are not constrained by time. This means that as long as the conversation is going well, you can ask every questions that occurs to you to your heart's content. One of the partners and I ended up talking for nearly two hours, completely losing track of time and pushing my lunch back almost an hour. The two poor associates who were supposed to take me out to lunch had to wait until 1:30 and must have been starved.
The partners at C all seemed intellectual, energetic, impressive, and humane. That last part I was not expecting, but was pleased to find. Every partner also explained the firm's unique philosophy to me, which, I increasingly realized as the day went on, is really a unique system which sets their firm apart from others. The rules and institution of the firm are designed to eliminate destructive individual competition among partners and among associates, and make people more loyal to the firm as an institution. As far as I can tell, this system has worked. Even people I have met who no longer work at the firm (what the firm calls "alumni") have very positive things to say about firm C. People seem to really believe in their system and feel a great deal of loyalty and pride.
Firm C gave me an offer at the end of my interviews. I was of course very happy. On the way to the airport, I realized that there is a very good chance I will go there, and that the interviews next week are likely to be a waste of time. So, today, I sat down and cancelled most of my interviews next week except for one. I was planning to spend nearly the entire week in NY, but now I will actually be in C-Town for most of the week.
The only thing that is not ideal about firm C is its domesticness. In spite of being one of the elite firms, it has no (NO!) Asia office and does not have plans to have one. Since I may be interested in practicing law overseas, I am a bit worried that C's domesticness could very quickly become something I find frustrating. In this sense, firm S's sprawling offices and aggressive expansion may fit better with my goals (not to mention that I am rather enamored by the idea of spending a summer in Hong Kong!) Boyfriend and I spent some time last night discussing this, and he wrote me a long email dissecting the situation this morning. He thinks that firm C's failure to expand into the Asian market means that in spite of its eliteness, it will become increasingly marginalized in the next few decades. I'm really not sure what to think.
So, some hard choices ahead, but at least I have got some good options and a MUCH easier flyout week than I had previously expected. Next week, I expect to do a lot of catching up on work, and even more catching up on sleep! :D
10/18/2006
Delirious
Why am I still awake? I slept 4 hours last night, going to sleep at 3:30 and waking up at 7:30. Comparative con law was a blur, since I hadn't read and was really in danger of falling asleep constantly. Con law was not much better, although the prof was more engaging and made us laugh a few times. Then I had lunch with J; then read some more articles for the research project and handed the articles to Professor S's assistant. Then I barely had 20 minutes to skim 20 pages of reading for Local Government Law, and it was off to class again!
Today was the last class of Comparative Local Government Law this semester, for which I feel a little sad. I am very fond of Professor F. and really fascinated by his work, though I really don't feel like I have the hang of it yet. Not having taken the main class he usually teaches, Local Government Law, I feel like there are so many conceptual things I don't get. The class right now is weirdly theoretical and yet our discussions mainly focus on the practical aspects, with me feeling like I have no handle on either very well.
Everyone in the class is choosing a city to focus on for the next 5 months, and we will be researching and then writing a paper and presenting it to the class in the spring. My city is Nanjing. I'm not sure why I chose that exactly. I wanted to choose a medium-sized city in the south of China (so the temperature is not too low in the winter) that is not too well-known, and I wanted one that I haven't been to. I am planning to visit in the winter and to do field research, not that I know what THAT means either.
So after getting the offer from the firm that I interviewed with on Friday, I can now enter the process of next week so much more relaxed. I am lining up other interviews, and plan to fly to Chicago in the latter part of the week and then spend the weekend with ABS, which should be fun. I am also contacting a bunch of friends who live in New York so we can hang out when I'm in town.
Reading "Persons and Masks of the Law" by John Noonan tonight - in preparation for my meeting with Professor M, who recommended the book. The book is about how the legal system too often focuses on rules rather than persons, at the expense of the person and of justice. It looks at three cases and talks about them in-depth, giving the background and the history and showing how in each, the person has been sacrificed in preference for the rules.
I really like the book so far, but am not sure how to continue the discussion once that book is written and that idea is advanced. What to do to put the person at the center of the legal system rather than rules? Is it possible and is it desirable?
I have now come into contact with so many different ways of approaching legal questions, and so many different fields (though there are still so many more that I haven't yet learned about). With the possible exception of pure doctrinal stuff and pure law and (classical) econ, I find almost every single one of them fascinating. The problem in the next stage is to pick a field - and to write something worthwhile. I guess I can think of it as my last struggle against the certainties of the firm life. "Rage - Rage against the dying of the light"...?
Today was the last class of Comparative Local Government Law this semester, for which I feel a little sad. I am very fond of Professor F. and really fascinated by his work, though I really don't feel like I have the hang of it yet. Not having taken the main class he usually teaches, Local Government Law, I feel like there are so many conceptual things I don't get. The class right now is weirdly theoretical and yet our discussions mainly focus on the practical aspects, with me feeling like I have no handle on either very well.
Everyone in the class is choosing a city to focus on for the next 5 months, and we will be researching and then writing a paper and presenting it to the class in the spring. My city is Nanjing. I'm not sure why I chose that exactly. I wanted to choose a medium-sized city in the south of China (so the temperature is not too low in the winter) that is not too well-known, and I wanted one that I haven't been to. I am planning to visit in the winter and to do field research, not that I know what THAT means either.
So after getting the offer from the firm that I interviewed with on Friday, I can now enter the process of next week so much more relaxed. I am lining up other interviews, and plan to fly to Chicago in the latter part of the week and then spend the weekend with ABS, which should be fun. I am also contacting a bunch of friends who live in New York so we can hang out when I'm in town.
Reading "Persons and Masks of the Law" by John Noonan tonight - in preparation for my meeting with Professor M, who recommended the book. The book is about how the legal system too often focuses on rules rather than persons, at the expense of the person and of justice. It looks at three cases and talks about them in-depth, giving the background and the history and showing how in each, the person has been sacrificed in preference for the rules.
I really like the book so far, but am not sure how to continue the discussion once that book is written and that idea is advanced. What to do to put the person at the center of the legal system rather than rules? Is it possible and is it desirable?
I have now come into contact with so many different ways of approaching legal questions, and so many different fields (though there are still so many more that I haven't yet learned about). With the possible exception of pure doctrinal stuff and pure law and (classical) econ, I find almost every single one of them fascinating. The problem in the next stage is to pick a field - and to write something worthwhile. I guess I can think of it as my last struggle against the certainties of the firm life. "Rage - Rage against the dying of the light"...?
10/16/2006
10/15/2006
Realization
This is pretty random, but today I was sitting on the train back to C-Town, and all of a sudden it hit me: as little as 150 years ago, this country had SLAVES. Freakin' SLAVES! Just like the ancient Egyptians, who built the pyramids! American slaves carried an entire southern economy on their backs.
For a while, I just sat there trying to wrap my mind around the barbarism of it all.
I guess up 'til now, all this talk about southern slavery has always just passed over me, and I never thought about it with understanding and concreteness. Somehow in my mind, I have always categorized American slavery as something categorically differnet from, say, Egyptian slavery. But it hit me today that it is every bit as barbaric, and probably even more so b/c our society actually had claims to enightened concepts like quality or freedom or autonomy.
I can imagine the frustration of the abolitionist now from that era, literaly sick with disgust at the society that is at once modern and yet somehow still tolerating an ancient and horrendous anomaly. What a horrible tarnish to have on our nation's history.
For a while, I just sat there trying to wrap my mind around the barbarism of it all.
I guess up 'til now, all this talk about southern slavery has always just passed over me, and I never thought about it with understanding and concreteness. Somehow in my mind, I have always categorized American slavery as something categorically differnet from, say, Egyptian slavery. But it hit me today that it is every bit as barbaric, and probably even more so b/c our society actually had claims to enightened concepts like quality or freedom or autonomy.
I can imagine the frustration of the abolitionist now from that era, literaly sick with disgust at the society that is at once modern and yet somehow still tolerating an ancient and horrendous anomaly. What a horrible tarnish to have on our nation's history.
10/14/2006
Back in C-Town
I have done nearly no work today. I am reading con law, drinking an Earl Grey with soy milk, chatting with 2 friends on IM, missing 2 parties, and plan to go to sleep in about an hour. Tomorrow will be a full day of RAing (again), but at least, for the moment, different areas of my life are under control.
Hanging out with my parents has been fun. We went to a big Chinese buffet place for lunch today, and talked about law and narrative and my philosophy about parenting. My parents are really curious about the interviews with those law firms, and had lot of fun listening to my descriptions of them.
Slept almost the entire way on the train ride back to C-Town, and am still tired. I think it will take a least a 2-week long vacation to recover my sleep deficit.
Hanging out with my parents has been fun. We went to a big Chinese buffet place for lunch today, and talked about law and narrative and my philosophy about parenting. My parents are really curious about the interviews with those law firms, and had lot of fun listening to my descriptions of them.
Slept almost the entire way on the train ride back to C-Town, and am still tired. I think it will take a least a 2-week long vacation to recover my sleep deficit.
10/13/2006
End of OCI
My OCI season has ended with a modest bang -- yesterday I interviewed with the top choice firm that I wanted to work for on campus - then the same night, I flew to NYC to do my first callback interview, at one of the top5 firms.
My #2 choice firm called me today for a callback visit, but I haven't heard from my top choice firm yet -- it's kind of a long shot for even very good students since they hire so few people, but I really hope I get a callback because I admire them a lot.
My first callback interview today was initially intimidating, but ultimately went well. The firm is located in one of the busiest and most crowded part of town, in a beatiful building. Even I, who don't like New York very much, was impressed in spite of myself.
The firm itself is nice but a bit depressing. I can't quite picture myself there yet. It looked very corporate - people in suits - bare offices - sallow faces of overworked people... Yes, the view of midtown from the windows are of course stunning, but how often will I really be able to enjoy the view?
I interviewed with two associats and two partners - and finally learned what "private equity," "capital structure," and "merger and acquisition" are. Yes, I'm sad, and so NOT fit to do corporate work. The associates who interviewed me seemed a bit reticent and not really warm. They seem to treat the interview very much like a job and so just wanted to get it over with. One of the partners was nice. The other one was so-so.
I'm back in parent's house to visit them for the weekend before they go to China next week.
I'm feeling really pensive about my future today. I love law school, -- I love the people here, I love the intellectual environment, I love the ready accessibility of camaraderie and good conversations. I'm almost heartbroken at having to leave it. I know I won't have to for another year and a half, but I can already feel it. It will just be like leaving my undergraduate institution - being thrown into the cold, harsh world.
I think today, I saw a glimpse of that cold harsh world and imagined myself being inside it, which made me shudder. To be sure, it's a cold, harsh world very attractively packaged, and there could certainly be worse things. But it's still the world, and not the comfortable coccoon that I have been living in for the past year and a half, where I could think to my heart's content about justice and power and how law influences people's behavior and whether economic misses equity concerns. Words like "capital structure," "IPO," and "document review" don't even enter my consciousness.
...Maybe I should give academia some more thoughts?
My #2 choice firm called me today for a callback visit, but I haven't heard from my top choice firm yet -- it's kind of a long shot for even very good students since they hire so few people, but I really hope I get a callback because I admire them a lot.
My first callback interview today was initially intimidating, but ultimately went well. The firm is located in one of the busiest and most crowded part of town, in a beatiful building. Even I, who don't like New York very much, was impressed in spite of myself.
The firm itself is nice but a bit depressing. I can't quite picture myself there yet. It looked very corporate - people in suits - bare offices - sallow faces of overworked people... Yes, the view of midtown from the windows are of course stunning, but how often will I really be able to enjoy the view?
I interviewed with two associats and two partners - and finally learned what "private equity," "capital structure," and "merger and acquisition" are. Yes, I'm sad, and so NOT fit to do corporate work. The associates who interviewed me seemed a bit reticent and not really warm. They seem to treat the interview very much like a job and so just wanted to get it over with. One of the partners was nice. The other one was so-so.
I'm back in parent's house to visit them for the weekend before they go to China next week.
I'm feeling really pensive about my future today. I love law school, -- I love the people here, I love the intellectual environment, I love the ready accessibility of camaraderie and good conversations. I'm almost heartbroken at having to leave it. I know I won't have to for another year and a half, but I can already feel it. It will just be like leaving my undergraduate institution - being thrown into the cold, harsh world.
I think today, I saw a glimpse of that cold harsh world and imagined myself being inside it, which made me shudder. To be sure, it's a cold, harsh world very attractively packaged, and there could certainly be worse things. But it's still the world, and not the comfortable coccoon that I have been living in for the past year and a half, where I could think to my heart's content about justice and power and how law influences people's behavior and whether economic misses equity concerns. Words like "capital structure," "IPO," and "document review" don't even enter my consciousness.
...Maybe I should give academia some more thoughts?
10/09/2006
Foot-in-Mouth Disease
Interviewed with a Top 5 Firms today, and said my most embarrassing thing yet.
Me: I know it's a long time since you were an associate, but...
Interviewer (white woman, in her late 30s, looking offended, interrupting me): I'm not THAT old.
Me: Um, sorry...
The rest of the interview wasn't that much better either. Oh well. Guess I won't be getting a callback from THEM.
Me: I know it's a long time since you were an associate, but...
Interviewer (white woman, in her late 30s, looking offended, interrupting me): I'm not THAT old.
Me: Um, sorry...
The rest of the interview wasn't that much better either. Oh well. Guess I won't be getting a callback from THEM.
10/08/2006
Numbers
40
The number of hours I spent this week on Professor H's research assignment, at least.
6
The number of hours I slept last night and the night before, each.
102
My current weight, in pound, after not sleeping and barely eating for a week. Time to have some protein shakes.
1
The number of drinks I had at S and AC's joint birthday party in B-Town, which was nonetheless sufficient to give me a headache the next day; the number of glasses of wine I plan to have this afternoon at the sports bar, where I'll be watching some football games with Boyfriend.
7, 15, 12
The number of interviews I will have next week, the number of interviews I've had, and the number of callbacks I got so far.
140
The number of pages I have to read for comparative con law before I catch up. (This is truly absurd... and will never happen.)
11
Time I plan on going to bed tonight, hopefully.
The number of hours I spent this week on Professor H's research assignment, at least.
6
The number of hours I slept last night and the night before, each.
102
My current weight, in pound, after not sleeping and barely eating for a week. Time to have some protein shakes.
1
The number of drinks I had at S and AC's joint birthday party in B-Town, which was nonetheless sufficient to give me a headache the next day; the number of glasses of wine I plan to have this afternoon at the sports bar, where I'll be watching some football games with Boyfriend.
7, 15, 12
The number of interviews I will have next week, the number of interviews I've had, and the number of callbacks I got so far.
140
The number of pages I have to read for comparative con law before I catch up. (This is truly absurd... and will never happen.)
11
Time I plan on going to bed tonight, hopefully.
10/06/2006
Callback / Procrastination
Interviewed with a top 5 firm today, and really connected with my interviewer, who is a smart, thoughful, and intellectual man who graduated from both of my alma maters, only in reverse.
He is only 51 but has had a very impressive career, working as a highly successful federal prosecutor for several years, winning some high-profiled trials, and then leaving the government and going to the firm to start his own practice group.
For some reason, from the very beginning, we just really clicked, and I felt enogh confidence to speak very frankly about my thoughts on law firms and my career and my uncertainties, and also asked him about his career and life choices, which were truly amazing, by the way.
I got the callback tonight, by phone. As far as I can tell, no one else has gotten a callback yet. A lot of people have interviewed for that firm -- the hotel at which these interviews are held were just mobbed today, and about 15 people or so hung out around the hospitality suite constantly at any given time, trying to schmooze with the lawyers. I usually hate these scenes, and left as quickly as I could after the interview, thinking about the conversation I had, and how cool it would be if I worked for his practice group.
I have not been considering his firm seriously before, but after meeting him, I am going to give it some serious thought.
So it's 1:26 am, and I'm still working on writing this paragraph and footnote for Prof. H's paper. I'm exhausted and really should be asleep by now, but wasted a lot of time earlier this evening, so now I'm paying the price in sleep!
:D The many ego boosts of OCI. Yes, I know it's idiotic, but I'm not above it. I can totally see, however, that this is how they begin to draw you in...
:( too little sleep, and way too much work.
He is only 51 but has had a very impressive career, working as a highly successful federal prosecutor for several years, winning some high-profiled trials, and then leaving the government and going to the firm to start his own practice group.
For some reason, from the very beginning, we just really clicked, and I felt enogh confidence to speak very frankly about my thoughts on law firms and my career and my uncertainties, and also asked him about his career and life choices, which were truly amazing, by the way.
I got the callback tonight, by phone. As far as I can tell, no one else has gotten a callback yet. A lot of people have interviewed for that firm -- the hotel at which these interviews are held were just mobbed today, and about 15 people or so hung out around the hospitality suite constantly at any given time, trying to schmooze with the lawyers. I usually hate these scenes, and left as quickly as I could after the interview, thinking about the conversation I had, and how cool it would be if I worked for his practice group.
I have not been considering his firm seriously before, but after meeting him, I am going to give it some serious thought.
So it's 1:26 am, and I'm still working on writing this paragraph and footnote for Prof. H's paper. I'm exhausted and really should be asleep by now, but wasted a lot of time earlier this evening, so now I'm paying the price in sleep!
:D The many ego boosts of OCI. Yes, I know it's idiotic, but I'm not above it. I can totally see, however, that this is how they begin to draw you in...
:( too little sleep, and way too much work.
10/05/2006
Taking My Stand
I got a haircut today from a very bitchy hair stylist. Boy was he bitchy. I think all hair stylists worship VOLUME, and therefore get extremely offended when you refuse to cut your hair to increase VOLUME! I told him that I kinda like the long-haired Asian girl look. He didn't even crack a smile.
Ah well. I got the haircut I wanted, even though the 25 mintues it took him to do it was excruciating. At least my hair now looks good - long, layered, and super-smooth!
Ah well. I got the haircut I wanted, even though the 25 mintues it took him to do it was excruciating. At least my hair now looks good - long, layered, and super-smooth!
10/04/2006
So-So Day
I missed both of my morning classes today. :( I'm not proud of it, but decided that I cannot pull off another day with only 3-4 hours of sleep. So I slept an astounding 7.5 hours today, and feel pretty refreshed.
However, my reaction paper this week for the political economy workshop -- which was due this afternoon at 4, was not very good, and I am a little upset about that. I thought I had a reasonably good topic, but 3 hours before the deadline, I reviewed the paper that we were supposed to react to, and realized that the topic had already been discussed in the paper, THOROUGHLY. So... I had to scratch much of what I had already written (charts and all!) and tried to bulk up the parts of the reaction paper that could be salvaged... which was not a lot.
Had dinner with ABS at C-House tonight and griped about work, then read in his room for a while. Came back and began reading and preparing for the meeting with Professor M about my pet topic: law and narratives (storytelling). Because of all the RAing and the independent reading, I am now reading more law review articles than ever before. I wish I had started on this earlier, because it is so helpful in giving me research and writing ideas and just in general getting an idea of what legal scholarship is all about.
In other news, I got another callback which will probably fund a nice trip to Chicago during flyout week! This makes it 8 out of 10. Yay.
I should probably go to sleep soon though. Tomorrow, with interviews, 2 classes, and independent reading, will be a LONG day.
However, my reaction paper this week for the political economy workshop -- which was due this afternoon at 4, was not very good, and I am a little upset about that. I thought I had a reasonably good topic, but 3 hours before the deadline, I reviewed the paper that we were supposed to react to, and realized that the topic had already been discussed in the paper, THOROUGHLY. So... I had to scratch much of what I had already written (charts and all!) and tried to bulk up the parts of the reaction paper that could be salvaged... which was not a lot.
Had dinner with ABS at C-House tonight and griped about work, then read in his room for a while. Came back and began reading and preparing for the meeting with Professor M about my pet topic: law and narratives (storytelling). Because of all the RAing and the independent reading, I am now reading more law review articles than ever before. I wish I had started on this earlier, because it is so helpful in giving me research and writing ideas and just in general getting an idea of what legal scholarship is all about.
In other news, I got another callback which will probably fund a nice trip to Chicago during flyout week! This makes it 8 out of 10. Yay.
I should probably go to sleep soon though. Tomorrow, with interviews, 2 classes, and independent reading, will be a LONG day.
10/02/2006
4 more callbacks
My voicemail was loaded with messages today. The London office of a top 30 firm, which i thought did not like me at all, called me back. A top 10 firm and a top 15 firm, both of which I thought I had lackluster interviews with (at least from my perspective), also decided to invite me back. The NY office of the the top 20 firm, for which I already got a callback, also decided to invite me to the DC office.
In the ultimate analysis, I think what must be true is that the firm's standards just aren't that high. They need warm bodies to slave away. Anyone who goes to a top school who is not crazy can probably do it. They are not picky.
So, now I'm a bit overwhelmed and thinking about cutting back on interviews large-scale next week. Probably will delete everything from my list that's not top 7. This should pare down my schedule for a bit
In other news, I'M SO BUSY! Doing more work for Professor H. It's interesting, to the point where it's worth it to sacrifice sleep. Boyfriend is worried, though.
In the ultimate analysis, I think what must be true is that the firm's standards just aren't that high. They need warm bodies to slave away. Anyone who goes to a top school who is not crazy can probably do it. They are not picky.
So, now I'm a bit overwhelmed and thinking about cutting back on interviews large-scale next week. Probably will delete everything from my list that's not top 7. This should pare down my schedule for a bit
In other news, I'M SO BUSY! Doing more work for Professor H. It's interesting, to the point where it's worth it to sacrifice sleep. Boyfriend is worried, though.
10/01/2006
Reflections on OCI, week 1
So... so far I have 3 callbacks, one from a major DC firm's New York office, two from a major NY firm's DC and NY offices. This is 3 callbacks out of the 10 interviews I had last week. How does my ratio stack up against the others? I have no idea.
On our career services website, they say that the typical student accepts 5-7 interviews. This means I need another 3-5 interviews, especially given that I am not sure about the DC firm's New York office. The woman who interviewed me, while very nice, also looked listless and exhausted, which I'm not sure bode well for the overall experience at the firm. But, we'll see.
Overall, I have been singularly unimpressed by the interviewer I have met so far. A few seem like the prototypical law firm jerks: male, white, jock-ish, arrogant. The 2 London offices interviewers seemed utterly distant and uninterested and even vaguely hostile, but that could just be a cultural thing. On the whole, the women interviewers were a lot better, usually warm and friendly, though the younger associate interviewers are almost suspiciously perky. The male partners tended to be older, and more serious, and more formal, and ask a lot harder questions.
What do I think of the whole process? It's not hard, not stressful, especially given that everyone going into it knows that he or she will get a job, and it's just a matter of "which one?" On the other hand, it IS mindnumbing, and time-consuming, and boring. Just the daily trek back and forth from the law school and the downtown hotel where the firms all do their interviews takes 15 minutes each one, so if you have 3 interviews scheduled at different times during the day, that's 1.5 hours walking!
On the way to and from the hotel, we meet other absurdly well-dressed classmates carrying leather portfolios, and give each other a knowing smile. The other students and townspeople must think that we are exceedingly weird, or they are used to the yearly ritual. Some of the hotel guests look bewildered at the number of suited students on each floor, standing right outside of room doors, perusing firm literature or reviewing their resumes. To outsiders, it must be a very comical sight.
----------------------
In other news... lots of work this weekend, as usual. Editing Professor JH's manuscript and looking up cites for him took up most of today, pushing my comparative con law reading completely out of sight. Tonight, Boyfriend, who is in town, and I met up with ABS and his boyfriend C, who is also in town visiting from Chicago. We had Indian food, which was lovely, and then spend 2 hours chatting in this nice little dessert place with yet another couple, JJ and his girlfriend M (visiting from Michigan). All the out of town significant others bonded and had a great time chatting. I arrived home shortly before midnight and still need to put in 1-2 hours of solid work!
On our career services website, they say that the typical student accepts 5-7 interviews. This means I need another 3-5 interviews, especially given that I am not sure about the DC firm's New York office. The woman who interviewed me, while very nice, also looked listless and exhausted, which I'm not sure bode well for the overall experience at the firm. But, we'll see.
Overall, I have been singularly unimpressed by the interviewer I have met so far. A few seem like the prototypical law firm jerks: male, white, jock-ish, arrogant. The 2 London offices interviewers seemed utterly distant and uninterested and even vaguely hostile, but that could just be a cultural thing. On the whole, the women interviewers were a lot better, usually warm and friendly, though the younger associate interviewers are almost suspiciously perky. The male partners tended to be older, and more serious, and more formal, and ask a lot harder questions.
What do I think of the whole process? It's not hard, not stressful, especially given that everyone going into it knows that he or she will get a job, and it's just a matter of "which one?" On the other hand, it IS mindnumbing, and time-consuming, and boring. Just the daily trek back and forth from the law school and the downtown hotel where the firms all do their interviews takes 15 minutes each one, so if you have 3 interviews scheduled at different times during the day, that's 1.5 hours walking!
On the way to and from the hotel, we meet other absurdly well-dressed classmates carrying leather portfolios, and give each other a knowing smile. The other students and townspeople must think that we are exceedingly weird, or they are used to the yearly ritual. Some of the hotel guests look bewildered at the number of suited students on each floor, standing right outside of room doors, perusing firm literature or reviewing their resumes. To outsiders, it must be a very comical sight.
----------------------
In other news... lots of work this weekend, as usual. Editing Professor JH's manuscript and looking up cites for him took up most of today, pushing my comparative con law reading completely out of sight. Tonight, Boyfriend, who is in town, and I met up with ABS and his boyfriend C, who is also in town visiting from Chicago. We had Indian food, which was lovely, and then spend 2 hours chatting in this nice little dessert place with yet another couple, JJ and his girlfriend M (visiting from Michigan). All the out of town significant others bonded and had a great time chatting. I arrived home shortly before midnight and still need to put in 1-2 hours of solid work!
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