Ending. Beginning.

My internship officially ended yesterday. Actually it officially ended last Friday, and I kind of sat in mourning of that this weekend, feeling listless and vaguely sad. But I still had a few things to wrap up -- memos that an attorney assigned to me about 5 weeks ago that had not been finished. So I stayed for one more day.

Saying goodbye to everyone was a bit sad. Thankfully, most of the interns who still remained went to NYC to see an attorney from our office argue in front of the Second Circuit, so I was spared the hugs and the pang of sadness that always came when I had to take my leave. What do you say to people that you'd very much like to see again, but may not, ever? When JG, one of the interns, left us on Thursday, we jokingly said: "Have a good life." But it really wasn't that in appropriate, when you think about it. Would any of us ever see JG again? The chances are slim, though of course not impossible. I suppose if we wanted to we could, but then the currents of life sweeps you along, and you lose the desire to seek out old friends (or acquaintances in this case). Or you forget about them.

But of course, there is always the possiiblity of a chance encounter, on the street, or in court. (Heh.) Someone looked vaguely familiar, but you can't place him. You begin hesitatingly, then "Oh my God! It's you!" "How have you been all these years?" "I'm doing very well too!" Perhaps a real surge of warmth. The guy I hung out with for a summer when I was in my mid-twenties! But more likely awkwardness.

So I said goodbyes to a few attorneys when I left the office at 6. They tried to give me advice. "What do you want to do after law school?" "Yes, it really is a great sacrifice to go into a firm." "Make sure you go into it with your eyes open." "Follow your heart." I spoke to KS and EG and TK and JM. Some of the attorneys had already left, so I was spared of having to say goodbye to them.

I really liked them all -- I would like to see them again someday, but I really am just so bad at goodbyes. They grip me with fear. I am so conscious of a stage of my life ending. Of course this means another stage is beginning, but at least before I settle into it, I approach it with apprehension. I'm not sure what the future will bring. Will I like my 2L year? WIll it be disappointing, now that I'm not on Law Review? Will ABS and I remain close? Will I be at a good firm? Will I make new friends and find new passions and still feel good about myself? Will I finally reach clarity on what I want to do with my life, now that I have advanced inexorably another year towards -- well, death really, but let's call it middle age for now...?

So, that was an ending. Not very dramatic. Anti-climactic really. I gave my ID back to EG. I'm sorry to part with it, because using it to open our super-securitized office doors every morning made me feel proud, that I am a member of this organization fighting crime and immorality. I will miss it here. Perhaps I will return one day.

:D Indianapolis for GenCon tomorrow!
:( Feeling reflective.